searcher

the circus came to town early that year. with its side show freaks and clowns, and us spinning inside like big tops. i laugh, hard, and salt water clings to my breasts. you say, "come here", and it sounds like pearls. and it feels you're dripping honey into my open mouth. and it wants to be mine. and i take it, because it's you and you're a a 57 Chevy caught in a half dream. my angel-demon, my idle, idyll, idol. you tell me my morning-after-mascara doesn't turn you off and you love me because I'd sleep on the beach with you.

and just as suddenly you're gone like the tribes of mapungubwe. buried sitting up, facing west. a golden chalice, sceptre and rhinoceros, along for the ride. i laugh and i think "you've finally reached the point-break".

and now, you're only this...

a modern savage in the flare of my camera. your little boy face and big man arms kiss me in the silhouette surf, down a hill of water, and i try to find the place where we lose ourselves, find ourselves and fool ourselves. (there are no signposts, so watch out for the fire breathing dragons).

[daddy, you didn't know your child had the heart of a butterfly. and a mind so sheer that it absorbed everything it touched. so you left your handprint on her skin and threw her dancing shoes into the gutter. and now you ask why she holds onto everything so tightly?]

somewhere there is a place where what's mine is not yours.

three-three-niner

sierra.hotel.indigo.tango - and so far, today, frustration, sounds better in radio code.

the story of two

they knew it would only take one look, one touch, one fragile confession to bridge the ancient seas between their shores. then, the tide would rush in, bringing with it all the truth they had covered up in the dust of denial. so they simply looked at each other and said nothing.

now

there's just no way of knowing who i might be by the end of the day, so stop looking at me that way and take me to bed before we both lose this kamikaze moment. i'm not a girl who makes promises, it's true, but i'm good at loving in the small spaces. places where travelers seldom go and the cafes are empty, except for the woman who sits in the corner waiting for lovers who pay her in hope.

take my hand, it'll help me decide who i'm going to be when my thighs touch the sheets. if a meow escapes my lips, don't worry, i'm interesting that way. i'm a toddlers book of finger paintings you know. all stapled together and littered with handprints, things that glitter and the accumulated colors of heartscapes. no mistakes, you see.

hold me, here, and we'll look at the moon and her crescent gaps. those, too will change. give her time. the phases are necessary. you'll probably think me a cynic if you knew that i know you're unlikely to rock my world. but my world is beyond the dips and dives of a man's amour. i can't seem to find the commas and full stops to fix the punctuation. and anyway, my hearts always been in italics.

but, let's do it anyway. there's nobody else I need to be right now.

imagine

if you and i could view each others hearts like satellite television. plug in, switch on, find the channel of him and her and them, reduce the static and know. but there is only this, this lonely hunger. you know it and you and you. and you, too. this thing is yours alone and there is just no way to broadcast it the way it really feels.

cape town burns

the mountains that surround my city are on fire. it will not stop tonight. table mountain, lion's head, signal hill, are lit up like out of control fireworks.

here is a link to some recent pictures.

there are 18 in all and they are worth looking at to see the extent of the blaze. In case you may worry, I live about 40km out of the city, so I am fine. However I know several people who are involved in trying to get things under control. In fact they are my whole circle of friends. The last I heard most of the residents in the area have been evacuated and stand at the foot of the mountain gazing up at the blaze in absolute silence. I do not know where they will sleep tonight.

tuesday morning

there is no tree,
bird or butterfly
outside this room

with its cat's claw
telephones
and leperous
machines

a girl in the
sterile chamber
next door
starts to speak
stutters,
then stops

her lipstick is
smeared into
a scarlet
hyphen
her hair a greasy,
gothic tongue

I think about
chocolate chip cookies
and this
mornings news

story of a snake
that befriended
its hamster dinner
and by all
accounts is
still hungry

i move to refill

the paper tray
with the ghosts
of a thousand
dead trees

and think of the girl
wearing nothing

and of how she
likes to lick
apricot
jam
off her
fingertips

colors

i try to hold onto you but your colors keep

c
h
a
n
g
i
n
g

even as my lotus hand reaches to part the veil
your smile becomes a kaleidoscope,

a c h e s s b o a r d,

the blue-orange flash
of a kingfisher wing,
an island of hibiscus and
soul-cradling

h
a
m
m
o
c
k

faith is as much a part of
my world as
green eggs and ham
you see

and even the pope
sometimes rides behind

g
l
a
s
s

perspective

your lips taste of an indelible hunger. is it yours or mine?

to the mosquitoes

who are biting my feet as I type this: are you really creatures of the earth or can I squash you?

to the little bird

who devoured
the peach
i left outside
on the rusty
nail:

glad I could
help

dear greenpeace

whales cannot be saved by stupidity, not now, not ever.

secret fears

i harbor fears
that one day
i will choke
to death on
perfectly cooked
ramen
(the use of the word "ramen" courtesy of the original Ramen Messenger)

pseudo nymph

i must, unfortunately, change my profile name, because, well there are stalkers you see. I do not wish them to see what might next appear on Ghost Dance. Any suggestions from the harem, or those that stalk the harem?

little wonders

the tiny sea
on your lips
anoints the
wilderness of
my nipple

and then again...

this karmic church, on nights when the moon hungers, sees dusky souls enter, kneel in silence, light candles and hurry back into the ravaged night.

upper class twits

egoists entranced by their own "greatness" and rather cruel to "lesser mortals": not pretty, not pretty at all. you in your little club don't forget your own peccadillos.

in a city somewhere

i pressed my bare
breasts between
a cold glass
pane and a cat's
whisker

nostalgia

1983
jo-anne and i are
rollerskate queens
in short shorts
and rose-cheeks

that are warmer
than this city
of narrow alleys
and steep hills
that end where
harbors begin

for william

a tiny island wrapped
in rice paper
a frameless portrait
a vanished city

to and from

love letters in repose
and ruby flesh
makes a slow,
steady crawl
into my cheeks

prisms

i feel my way around glimpses of you through vivid crystal prisms, a gush of blood wrapped in promises of submission-swollen kisses

snowflakes

when snowflakes fall to the ground they do it softly, like you my love, like you my love. delicate patterns meet the ground, like you my love, like you my love.

likes and unlikes

tonight I saw a black rhino in Kenya and men were bending over it sawing its beautiful horn off and you asked poachers? and I said no they are trying to stop it being killed by poachers who are too poor and stupid to know the difference and you said and what can we do about it? i don't know but it's a shocking shame and it makes me weep stinging tears and i feel like i want to blaze a bullet through their brains and castrate them and sell their penis dust on the black market so men can feel virile and soothe their egos and you laughed and said that is so like you and there's a market for penis dust and i said it breaks my heart and i feel sad for that magnificent animal and for what it feels lying in the dirt being hacked so that it can feel one more heartbeat and you said that is life and there is not much to be done about it and i said that is so like you to be so unlike me about rhino horns

nowhere and everywhere

dear J you say you like the way i can go anywhere and set up house and arrange candles and fruit bowls on batik tablecloths as though being elsewhere were nothing new to me and i was from nowhere and everywhere all at the same time and you could never be that way not even if you tried and i said i like the way you touch the ribbon in my plaited hair as though you always wanted to and now you did and that is quite rare where i've been and you said have you travelled much? and i said i've moved around frequently and you said that's what i like about you you're somewhere else all the time

endless beginnings

think instead of the day when forever cracked wide open and you wiped your finger across the beads of my spine and the sun set in the corner of my eye and you held hibiscus in your teeth to see how frenzied I would taste think of tigers and lilys that open their mouths so wide you can see all the way into the womb of Pleiades birthplace of new stars and nowhere near places like Rome

eve

was no more tempted than i envy a penis.

foam and other moments

the foam from that ill-fated cappuccino seemed to linger on her lips for a long time after that last resolute swallow.

you...

...come here. i want to paint you with my fingertips.

schoolyard

the boy and the girl played games. soon the day came when a game of chess ended in a stalemate. the girl huffed and threw the board onto the floor. she stamped her heel and sat and stared at him. he stared back. silence filled the room until it burst into a thousand heart-shaped pieces.

strange behaviors

i write to know you are not alone. you of the short, sharp, gentleness.

The Hush Room

past the perfume-soaked whores
on the corner,
in their inches of heels
and pink ostrich boas
(she swears she only uses her hands).

past the pimps in shimmer suits
and platform shoes;
their beacon-wide brims
casting shadows
over greed-grimed faces.
(touch but don't look)
(or pay up and leave)

past the cathedral ceiling
of Motown and Malcolm X
whole souls cry

miles from The Hush Room
where drag queens
and faggots
have to feel it to believe it
in compromising positions
that guess at the truth
from midnight
to 9 a.m.

removed from the spaces
where men don't
have penises
but Gods of Thunder
and every woman thinks
a man will be different
for her

nowhere near the crooning
of The Supremes
(ooh, baby love, my baby love)
vs. The Impressions
(people get ready there's a train a-coming)

past the hate crimes
and lynch mobs
and street justice
(we're through the looking glass now)
all men
whether naked
or in costume
are created
equal

she

in darkness made love to him like there were no yesterdays.

soul-siren

you, soul mate.
your breath, your boiling blood, your heat, your skin, your lips, your love, your heart.

your you-ness.

yes and no

goodybes are wayward butterflies that tease her lips. she is still entranced by his wow factor.

i do

you know...love you.

Eve

i know why she did it.

Believers

she only ever fell in love with Lost Boys. this is how it works with Neverland Girls.

Closed in on three sides

did you say Chinese love bed?

on my way to you

i slipped.

untitled

there are so many things you do not know.

goodbye

changes nothing.

And so...

he loved her in the forgotten places.

Alice

went through the looking-glass barefoot. later she wore stillettos.

Pillows

make good lovers.

Untitled

slowly she pushed his jpeg. up against the wall.

Yes I am...

Never Leave Me

~ Ernest Hemingway

Dance of Rememberance

an island king gazed at his lover with a jaundiced eye, but found no lack. the dance lasted the length of his longing, then gently slipped away. she never spoke of love with any conviction on any day after that.

I know

i know why you're afraid to jump. i know why you sleep with a book next to your bed. I know why you don't need anybody.

This Boy

folded her lovingly in quiet acceptance. The shock was much too much to bear.

I go by

codename: musturbator. yes I do.

It seems

that all good harem girls have secrets

Lifesavers Have Holes in Them

at first it seemed the man was waving from beyond the ocean foam. when she realized he was drowning it was much, much too late. for a long time she did not speak, her eyes remaining fixed on the horizon.

In and out

his eyes covered her breasts and the flushed flesh of memory.

Connection

they spoke of love and menage a trois. not necessarily in that order.

Asleep

you lifted the cup up to her lips and she tasted the sweet liquid. then she pushed you away and slept once more. not even the dawn would wake her.

Shaken

great northern winds spoke of her crooked smile.

Something like...

something like madness straddled a sweat-soaked horse and raced toward the twilight. nostrils snorted obscenities and hooves beat broken ground as a heart broke free.

Boy

silly, beautiful, frightened you. your intentions are matched only by your confusion.

Upstream

They ripped her spine out inch by breathtaking inch. When she could no longer swim, they threw her back into the water.

Casa No Va

He came bearing gifts. All the girls in their ivory towers loved to love him. Much later they understood that he was only trying to distract them from who he was deep down inside. This was the real reason he brought so many shining trinkets.

A Moment Please

for just a moment the world seemed to fracture. bliss fell slowly, embedded itself in the grass beneath her feet like an athame. when she awoke five years had passed. the light that shone on her eyelids was almost unbearable.

Memory

here i am on the beach strutting
a young girl
with perky breasts
and supple thighs

Here and...

now, every wrinkle speaks your name.

oh!

your kiss, your kiss, your kiss, your kiss.

The Patron

It was her custom to remain seated until the end of the performance. Tonight the flickering images appeared grainy and harsh. Had she seen the same theme somewhere before? She left early and picked her way across the grey cobblestones back to her womb-like room.

You

You read me like Tarot. First one card, then the next, interpreting each puzzle piece correctly. Sympatico. I knew you were irreplaceable, even then.

Unspoken

Karl wasn't home. Undetterred, we sneaked into the house to collect the food we'd stashed in his freezer while we moved. As you hoisted me up and onto the window ledge you said, "hmm..she knows how to climb" I looked down at you and said, "of course" and we both knew what we meant.

That Day

We sheltered from the thunderstorm in a narrow gorge. Your body shielding me from the wind and lashing rains. My arm around your naked waist, your head arched back onto my shoulder, I noticed the tiny purple flower growing in a few grains of sand.

Journey

She stood in the sun with her arms outstretched. Her face, she remarked, was beginning to reveal the roadmap of her journey.

Tonight

He tells me he loves me because I have the most amazing heart he's ever known.

Jesusfuck.

Mirror

There were things they could not say. Would not say. Did not say. Wanted to say. Should have said. Will never say.

Must Hurry

Run, run white rabbit run. It's gaining on you. Might I suggest rollerblades?

And so...

Hot milk, pyjamas and moisturiser.

oooooooooh.

To You

You loved me like surfers ride waves. I keenly feel the loss of those rhythms. Now, the riptide.

Ego

Our ids battle like fighting cocks or pit bull terriers. I'm willing to bet any amount of money we both end up bruised, bloodied and feeling used. Still, baby needs a new pair of shoes.

Faux

His social skills were impressive. For about two seconds. Now its time to reveal a heart.

Antagonist

You smacked it down onto the table as though it was supposed to matter. In a different life it might have. In this life I sniffed and turned away. You are not as relevant as you think you are.

Molehills

You and I are unlikely to be as monumental as we presently think we are.

Codeword

Your fortress is impenetrable. I can guarantee you, I don't have the secret password. I'm too tired for code.

Fizzle

Now, out of the corner of my eye I see the blaze reduced to a flickering ember. I marvel at how it ever warmed me and I don't feel cold anymore without it. Isn't it funny how that works?